Sick and Tired
You know sometimes I’m ready to get away. Not just for the moment but long enough to maybe be missed. But how can I go, now I’m in a position where its too late to run. Too late to take anything and then hide. Too late to just get rid of the memory and let go. So what do I do now….tired of everyone being more excited than I am and having to show this false happiness. Starting to regret a decision I made for myself. A decision I figured I wouldn’t have to deal with by myself, but am ready and willing. Just on the defense because I believe more than what anyone else does, but regret even having those feelings to believe that much.
But I will be ok….things will be just fine. Used to having to really do it on my own. Just thought it was over….but apparently its not. Its so easy to let go of my past. No one’s ever had that hold on me. And then I tell myself that I LOVE but then will let it go in same breath cause I can’t deal with the unneeded stress. For my heart can be very big, and I can love very strong. But as a cancer I crawl back into my shell when things just get a little too hard. I LOVE myself and now I have to love someone else. It used to be just me and I told myself I’m way to selfish to give my love to just anyone.
I don’t think I’ve ever fought so much in my life. No wait I take that back. Once and it didn’t work out and it’ll never be like that again. Everyone has a breaking point, Keri said it best. And I can no longer live a life of stress cause I have someone else to think about. I’m so tired and I don’t wanna get out of bed. But then once out of bed I don’t wanna go back home. And sometimes I wish I could just leave and leave a memory of those that I love.